Ric’s Bowling Acronyms

Edited by Bob Ashley, League Secretary for HTML formatting and appropriateness of content ... remember, this is a family establishment. :-)

APPROACH

Top Gun Syndrome

Sickness of those bowlers who get up on the approach and stand there forever, contemplating [heck] knows what. To steal a line from the movie:
"If you think, you’re dead."

Most bowlers with TGS have lower averages and less time for a social life.

John Riggins

Extremely fast approach resembling [former Washington Redskins running back] #44 "heading for the hole".

Happy Feet

Slower than Riggo, but, still ends up with feet getting to the line before the ball.

Nancy Kerrigan

Having your feet almost slide out from under you at the foul line. Makes you think that you should taken off your ice skates before you started your approach.

Note: Most commonly associated with the Tanya Harding Swing (see below).

In The Swamp

Just the opposite of Nancy Kerrigan, severe sticking on the approach. Wear your waders and find some cigarette ashes!

RELEASES

N M A

Rolling the ball too slowly, allowing the ball time to hook too much. The ball Needs More [Arse]. You know, more butt, more speed.

T M A

Just the opposite of N M A. The ball rolls too fast and doesn’t have time too hook because it has Too Much [Arse] behind it.

Queen Mary Ball

A ball that is destined to go Brooklyn or beyond because it has been TUGGED royally.

Constipation Ball

One of those crappy balls that usually carries, but, in this case didn’t because there wasn’t enough [err ... crap] on it.

Football

More like "Foot Ball". A ball thrown along the edge of the gutter, holding on as if a foot came out of the ball to keep it out of the gutter.

Scenic Route

Making the ball go a long way to get to the pocket. Like going [from Chantilly] to Richmond via Leesburg.

Bob Uecker

[ ... one of his more memorable lines from the movie Major League ... ]
"Just a bit OUTSIDE."

R T B & P

The common rule for those haven't the foggiest as to where the ball is going and what it is going to do. This also applies to the skilled bowlers who have had a neurological methane release (brain fart), thereby, causing an abnormal roll of the ball.
ROLL THE BALL & PRAY.

50 Pound Ball

A release in which the shoulder drops excessively, as if the ball weighs 50 pounds. This usually causes the bowler to throw a Queen Mary or a Bob Uecker.

Shoulders should be somewhat level. Try imagining a cup of coffee on your shoulder, but, don't do it for real. Tends to lessen your sliding ability!

Tanya Harding Swing

Your backswing goes awry and you end up whacking the heck out of your leg.

Thank God Tanya didn't have a bowling ball!!!

MESSENGERS

Those pins that come off the side walls and across the lane to hopefully take out any remaining pins.

Types of balls that create messengers:

Fed Ex

Your basic messenger that hits its target.

U P S

Your basic messenger that misses its target.

Airborne

Wildly spinning, bouncing, etc messenger that misses its target. (Have you ever seen those guys drive?)

Next Day Mail

An extremely slow rolling messenger that gets to its target just before the rack comes down.

ALMOST STRIKES

Hawaiian

An almost strike characterized by a single pin left standing and shaking. Known as "Nine and a Wiggle".

Crazy Glue

A solid ten or seven pin still standing after a tank had hit the rack. Crazy glue is the only thing that could have kept it standing. Also known as a "Hard 10" or Hard 7".

STRIKES

Moses

The ball came and the pins parted.

New York

Isn’t that where all the garbage strikes are?

GOVERNMENTAL POLICIES ON BOWLING

Environmental Protection Agency - as defined by Kathy Gregory

"Conserve Energy - Throw One Ball."

Don't make us put rations on bowling. Gas lines [... from the 1970's ...] were bad enough. Imagine having to shoot spares only on odd or even days!